9/11 Court Date

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Yesterday was one of the hardest days of my life.  I was/am ready to give up and leave.

The best interest attorney assigned to Shannon pulled a no-show for our court time.  Charging us both attorney time, while we were required to appear or go to jail.  Justin’s lawyer pulled this emotional string with the Judge (I seriously think they are drinking buddies) saying he just is running out of money and cannot afford supervised time for me to spend with Shannon.  It is total bullshit that my attorney did not stand up and object.  The Judge played into it that my money is coming from a church so it’s subsidized for me and we should reduce the time or get rid of the visit supervisor lady that lets us go anywhere.  We are supposed to provide free folks names to supervise now.  What a bunch of crap – he caused this mess.

The psych assessor was/is not done with his report so could not provide any indication of who is lying or who is the better parent.  But it doesn’t matter because the Judge is totally biased and against me and for Bednarz and Justin.  It is such a waste of time and money.

My Mom and friends could not believe their eyes.  Asked my lawyer why he didn’t object and he says he didn’t want to make the Judge angry.  We are all scrambling today trying to think of next moves.  Find another lawyer, report this Judge to the media, talk to my lawyer’s boss, what the hell is going to make someone in my case care about Shannon.

Jose – my paralegal friend from church is going to have a 3-way conference call with my attorney Monday and say Hey – if you don’t have the balls to stand up to these sleazebags in court then maybe we need to find someone else before giving you another $4k that you want (already got $8k).  Mom feels I have lost and lost again.  I feel the entire thing is a waste of time.

I have to look at Justin, Jane, his lawyer and the judge smirking at me now with every visit to the courthouse.  Hate this state.

I had to have a supervised visit with Shannon last night after that and after working.  We went to the mall, let her ride some rides and then ate at the RainForest Café.  She was afraid of the fake gorillas.  In the bathroom I told her she had better start telling her court appointed therapist the truth because her doctor told me she told her I lied and made her say what she told me at Christmas time.  I reminded her that I never told her anything and told her not to say what her dad is telling her to say.  Total lies about seeing pics of David’s kids wearing her pajamas and they are in college.

I am so frustrated and angry with having to hear her dad on our calls I am not even going to call her tonight.  Supposed to on those days I don’t see her.  It is ridiculous to be put through this for trying to protect her.

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Coping until court

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Shannon asked me to stop calling, since her dad knows I don’t like him. He makes it too difficult for her.  Tomorrow I have another psych assessment for the court.  I will take copies of my supervised visits that show Shannon is being pushed into the case by her dad.  Monday I will go to the psychiatrist again that Aetna says never faxed in anything.  What a mess my life has become.  9/11 cannot get here fast enough – even then I will probably be screwed.

Justin told the psych assessor that I am a porn addict and that I have over 50 porn videos.  What a dumbass.  I am hoping that 9/11 will show what a psycho he is …but not counting on it.  Stupid system sucks and making me battle so hard.  I guess it may be because I can handle a lot of crap…not sure.

Staying hopeful

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Today got 2 voice mails on my phone from Shannon with her dad clearly coaching her. (First was her yelling Cheri Cheri and second was her saying Hi Mom I look forward to our visit tonight after her dad told her what to say) My lawyer is ready to send a kickass letter regarding his harassing me and requesting another forensic exam on Shannon…but I think we need to wait for all the others to see and report how psychotic he is.  Found a few videos of her with Justin’s family for her 4th b’day too that seem bizarre that I will give the lawyer.  He will have transcripts of my supervised visits on the 12th  too that’ll help.  Plus another psych exam MMCI personality test coming on the 21st.  My paralegal friend says he seems as psychotic and dangerous and the Ohio guy who held those 3 girls.  I agree – have been afraid of Justin for years.

I am hanging in there with money so far – not sure if I can make it after 9 weeks – my pay will drop to 70% but that is not for a few weeks.  Even with gas trips to Tempe 4 times a week and Shrink visits and eating/drinking out I have made it.  The church is getting copies of everything – hopefully they can get my future set up financially and I think they will continue to pay the lawyer.  Mostly I hope to get Shannon back full time so we can go everywhere without the psycho’s permission needed and she can stop being abused.

And the follow up email (for cleanup and clarification).

Hi Cheri,
I wanted to clarify what I was trying to say in the email I sent on Tuesday. The song I attached has meaning to our situation in that it talks about people moving on with their lives. We must both move on with our lives. However, as we have a child together,we are going to have to deal with one another for the rest of our lives. I still care about you as a person and as the mother of our child. We will both be Shannon’s parents forever. We must be able to communicate with each other for Shannon’s benefit. I was not suggesting that you and I have a romantic relationship as I am happily married. I probably did not word my Tuesday email very well on that issue. Lastly, I was trying to convey that your completely unfounded allegations of abuse of Shannon by me and my family, for whatever reason you chose to make them, will only hurt Shannon if you continue to make them. I was also suggesting that at some point your false allegations against me and my family could be the basis for a slander or libel lawsuit and your attorney fees  and potential damages could be substantial. It doesn’t have to be this way.
Justin.

As if treating my daughter so horribly isn’t enough…

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What a psycho.  What kind of person sends me this email and dumb song, threatens me and my family in order to get me back? The church wants all my lawyer communication and also says they will help by looking at my finances to see how they can make things better.  I sent all his psycho emails to Shannon’s therapist (since she is walking in now saying my mom told me to lie) and my attorney and the psych assessor this Thursday.  Every day I’m getting harassed by this douche bag.

Email from Justin:

“Hi Cheri,
Thought this kinda spoke for both of us. I disagree with the part that we can’t make it together, especially as a family.
Listen to it loud! Still love you, it’s f’d up. You should really, really call me and talk to me. Even now I can and want to help you. I believe I have a way out of your web of “stuff” It does include me back in your life though, full time. Only have 2 -3 days to consider. If not, I understand. But things get worse after that. Not my choices. Word of advice if you don’t want to think about my offer. Please use your newfound wealth wisely, criminal defense attorneys are way more expensive, both in retainers and per hour. Might want to give your Mom and brother a heads up, too.
Justin 66″

and song…

Psychiatric Evaluation

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I think my psych assessment went well.  Was draining to talk about my entire life.  Now the court will have our own family’s molestation info and all my domestic violence details…great.  I have to follow up for another half hour to 45 minutes with him on 8/1.  He may talk to Jane (Justin’s wife) and Shannon and wants copies of all my emails from Justin the psycho.

Yesterday the outside lady supervisor did not show after confirming the appointment with me – I had to walk into Burger King and apologize to Shannon. Put her into tears.  (Justin was at his psych assessment and I didn’t have Jane’s phone number).  Took all my will power not to beat the living crap out of Jane and just take Shannon back.

Also I had to stop calling Shannon on nights I do not visit with her because she asked me to – he is hurting her during the calls, making her cry and scream.

She is growing up fast.  We watched family videos at one of our last visits.  We also do yoga together.

I am getting ready for another therapy session now.  Waiting for my lawyer to respond to all the stupid freaking emails from Justin saying I still love you (makes me nauseous).  I told the lawyer I want to sue him for personal injury/illness, lost wages and harassment and intend to press criminal charges for the advances.

In continuation

What a horrible person Justin is.  I have to let my attorney know how to respond.  At least the outside supervisor is being allowed. The church is paying for my lawyer fee next week for $4k. The supervised visits are costing me $1200 a month and I need $1500 to pay this Nelson best interest attorney by the end of July.

Here’s a letter sent to my by my lawyer from Justin’s lawyer. It basically twists everything around and makes me seem like the manipulating bad person in all of this.

LF Bednarz re RT letter dated 071213

I will talk to my attorney about his attny’s letter being unacceptable.  The allegations have not been proven and had he taken the lie detector test up front the court would know the truth.  He had the nerve to call me just now and ask for my recipe for tuna fish sandwiches and I said I cannot help him and hung up.

I cannot wait for next week’s psych evals to be done.  I will talk to my attorney about what Shannon is saying to the sex crimes counselor too since she walked in there and said she lied.

Already feeling screwed

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I am being screwed emotionally, physically and financially.  Still waiting for the church to tell me if they will have more funds and/or how much for the lawyer and/or private investigator they can give me.  My lawyer has used up the $4k retainer in the past 2 months and is asking for it to be replaced by Friday.  The rest of the $7k went to psych evaluator for $1k and supervisors for visits that both wanted $1k retainers for my $300 weekly which is only half their fee.

I will need a co-signer for a loan to get the lawyer paid if I don’t get the church help.  Pisses me off that they are all just sucking up money.  The lawyer only made up this stupid agreement that Justin made me agree not to allow Shannon near anyone affiliated with the church (which includes mom and her best friends/Pastor Kristin’s girls).  Of course I agreed so I could see her since it took 6 weeks to let me and I could not let it go on longer.  And if the church gave me funds to help get an attorney, why leave me hanging now?

Meanwhile I have to make it through next week – my psych evaluation is Tuesday and Justin’s is on Wednesday.  The psych evaluator needs a month to write up the report (unless something alarming comes up for Shannon’s safety) and my next court mediation hearing is 9/11.  What a freaking date to pick and how am I going to make it for so long.  The trial date (for full custody requests from both of us) has been pushed back to 10/30 or 10/31.

The psychiatrist gave me an anti-depressant which makes me nauseous and doesn’t work yet so I still cry every morning, and Xanax to sleep which helps a little.  He also gave me a little hope that someday Shannon will be able to testify on her own and he will go to jail.  It may take years though if Justin makes it through the psych assessment/evaluation.  The psychiatrist could not believe the Judge would give her back to her dad instead of foster care.  Justin is a very good liar and made it only because he had a lawyer and he and his family and the police all testified against me.  Pastor Nancy says that foster care is still a risk and there are not enough homes now so maybe that is why he did it.

The best interest attorney assigned by the Judge (before I had a lawyer) was paid by Justin’s lawyer and I am supposed to be paying half of it – another $1500 by the end of this month.  I wonder what will happen to me now if that is not paid.  That asshole screwed me by doing nothing for Shannon.  Told the Judge at the first hearing “Well Cheri is a very loving mom but I don’t know who is telling the truth” and to put her in foster care, then at the second hearing he phoned himself in and said “I don’t know”.  What a waste.

The sex crime counselor that Shannon is required to go to weekly called and said Shannon walked in and said “I lied”.  Obviously something that Justin made her do.  The stupid therapist says she is talking to Shannon about secrets but really they play games mostly and waste more money.

Tonight Justin is coaching Shannon to cry about us not being a family and not to marry someone else and have other children that I would love more than her.  I guess he is freaking out about the psych evaluation.  I may have to stop calling her if Justin cannot stop feeding her crap to make her stressed.  He also sent me an email last week saying he wishes we could still be a family and he forgives me – signed with this Truly Yours bullshit – damn psycho. I am taking a copy of it to the psych evaluator next Tuesday to show what a harassing ass he is.  I am thankful the order of protection for me is still on his ass to stay away from me. Justin has also refused to let me use the second supervisor that will let us out of the Tempe Parenting Skills building saying he just doesn’t like her and threatened me saying we can fight about it in court.  It is very boring sitting in a room for 4 hours on Sundays and 2 hours every other night.  They video us and write down everything said and done verbatim.  My lawyer sent a letter to his lawyer saying he cannot do that since Justin approved her in writing and will let the court know if he does not comply.  Unfortunately since my lawyer wants more money I have not heard anything from him.

Shannon has regressed and no longer has any desire to learn.  She comes to the visits doped up or totally tired from being up all night. I had to email her dad to stop medicating her since she is no longer sick from strep and an ear infection she got when she first went back to his house. She cannot remember how to read or tell time or do any math that she learned at Biltmore Prep and calls herself a pig.  I stopped correcting her at our visits from jumping on the couch upside down to display herself.  I stopped correcting her from scratching her crotch too.  The last visit she almost put her hand down the back of her pants but stopped at the waistline.  It took me a month in January to get her to stop putting her finger up her butt!  I am sure she will do it again since she is now his captive.  She is stuck at that retarded Montessori school for summer school and 1st grade until I get her back also.  They are lying saying she is fine (since Justin’s sister works there) and has tennis shoes but she didn’t wear them from school.  Wears only flip flops or slip on shoes for church totally worn out.  So I brought her some shoes.  Shannon also asked me to bring her underwear because she needed more and some shirts and shorts but also told me her dad has cameras in his house now.  She says he is not watching her swim in her pool in the backyard and she is also sleeping in his bed too.

I am scared of not having funds to carry on and/or see Shannon for the supervised visits costing $300 a week for 10 hours of time.  I am having a hard time going to therapy and talking about it – will probably cancel next week.  This therapist says not to worry about the evaluation and just be honest.  Duh.  The psychiatrist is this hard of hearing old geezer that doesn’t think it is so unbelievable that Shannon would say her dad is eating poo – I guess he has heard worse and wants to see me back on 7/31.  I will need to get back to work around the 14th of August or they will reduce my pay to 70%.

What a mess I have gotten into.  I am such a dumb-ass and wish it could just be over. Thankfully Shannon will bounce back faster than me.  I am so sorry for getting involved with this bastard Justin.

How it starts…

Life is weird seeing Shannon on short visits for about a week now. It is very hard – she still screams and cries to leave me and almost threw up once. Justin is working hard at getting her to lie so he will not be found out. Throwing lies to my lawyer and telling Shannon she will lose her mom and have to live with another family. I worry about how far he will go to stay out of jail. Anyways I am on a leave of absence from work because of my depression. Helps me battle the idiot liar. Going to weekly therapy and on some anti-anxiety meds. Maybe getting stronger meds in a week or so.