I am being screwed emotionally, physically and financially. Still waiting for the church to tell me if they will have more funds and/or how much for the lawyer and/or private investigator they can give me. My lawyer has used up the $4k retainer in the past 2 months and is asking for it to be replaced by Friday. The rest of the $7k went to psych evaluator for $1k and supervisors for visits that both wanted $1k retainers for my $300 weekly which is only half their fee.
I will need a co-signer for a loan to get the lawyer paid if I don’t get the church help. Pisses me off that they are all just sucking up money. The lawyer only made up this stupid agreement that Justin made me agree not to allow Shannon near anyone affiliated with the church (which includes mom and her best friends/Pastor Kristin’s girls). Of course I agreed so I could see her since it took 6 weeks to let me and I could not let it go on longer. And if the church gave me funds to help get an attorney, why leave me hanging now?
Meanwhile I have to make it through next week – my psych evaluation is Tuesday and Justin’s is on Wednesday. The psych evaluator needs a month to write up the report (unless something alarming comes up for Shannon’s safety) and my next court mediation hearing is 9/11. What a freaking date to pick and how am I going to make it for so long. The trial date (for full custody requests from both of us) has been pushed back to 10/30 or 10/31.
The psychiatrist gave me an anti-depressant which makes me nauseous and doesn’t work yet so I still cry every morning, and Xanax to sleep which helps a little. He also gave me a little hope that someday Shannon will be able to testify on her own and he will go to jail. It may take years though if Justin makes it through the psych assessment/evaluation. The psychiatrist could not believe the Judge would give her back to her dad instead of foster care. Justin is a very good liar and made it only because he had a lawyer and he and his family and the police all testified against me. Pastor Nancy says that foster care is still a risk and there are not enough homes now so maybe that is why he did it.
The best interest attorney assigned by the Judge (before I had a lawyer) was paid by Justin’s lawyer and I am supposed to be paying half of it – another $1500 by the end of this month. I wonder what will happen to me now if that is not paid. That asshole screwed me by doing nothing for Shannon. Told the Judge at the first hearing “Well Cheri is a very loving mom but I don’t know who is telling the truth” and to put her in foster care, then at the second hearing he phoned himself in and said “I don’t know”. What a waste.
The sex crime counselor that Shannon is required to go to weekly called and said Shannon walked in and said “I lied”. Obviously something that Justin made her do. The stupid therapist says she is talking to Shannon about secrets but really they play games mostly and waste more money.
Tonight Justin is coaching Shannon to cry about us not being a family and not to marry someone else and have other children that I would love more than her. I guess he is freaking out about the psych evaluation. I may have to stop calling her if Justin cannot stop feeding her crap to make her stressed. He also sent me an email last week saying he wishes we could still be a family and he forgives me – signed with this Truly Yours bullshit – damn psycho. I am taking a copy of it to the psych evaluator next Tuesday to show what a harassing ass he is. I am thankful the order of protection for me is still on his ass to stay away from me. Justin has also refused to let me use the second supervisor that will let us out of the Tempe Parenting Skills building saying he just doesn’t like her and threatened me saying we can fight about it in court. It is very boring sitting in a room for 4 hours on Sundays and 2 hours every other night. They video us and write down everything said and done verbatim. My lawyer sent a letter to his lawyer saying he cannot do that since Justin approved her in writing and will let the court know if he does not comply. Unfortunately since my lawyer wants more money I have not heard anything from him.
Shannon has regressed and no longer has any desire to learn. She comes to the visits doped up or totally tired from being up all night. I had to email her dad to stop medicating her since she is no longer sick from strep and an ear infection she got when she first went back to his house. She cannot remember how to read or tell time or do any math that she learned at Biltmore Prep and calls herself a pig. I stopped correcting her at our visits from jumping on the couch upside down to display herself. I stopped correcting her from scratching her crotch too. The last visit she almost put her hand down the back of her pants but stopped at the waistline. It took me a month in January to get her to stop putting her finger up her butt! I am sure she will do it again since she is now his captive. She is stuck at that retarded Montessori school for summer school and 1st grade until I get her back also. They are lying saying she is fine (since Justin’s sister works there) and has tennis shoes but she didn’t wear them from school. Wears only flip flops or slip on shoes for church totally worn out. So I brought her some shoes. Shannon also asked me to bring her underwear because she needed more and some shirts and shorts but also told me her dad has cameras in his house now. She says he is not watching her swim in her pool in the backyard and she is also sleeping in his bed too.
I am scared of not having funds to carry on and/or see Shannon for the supervised visits costing $300 a week for 10 hours of time. I am having a hard time going to therapy and talking about it – will probably cancel next week. This therapist says not to worry about the evaluation and just be honest. Duh. The psychiatrist is this hard of hearing old geezer that doesn’t think it is so unbelievable that Shannon would say her dad is eating poo – I guess he has heard worse and wants to see me back on 7/31. I will need to get back to work around the 14th of August or they will reduce my pay to 70%.
What a mess I have gotten into. I am such a dumb-ass and wish it could just be over. Thankfully Shannon will bounce back faster than me. I am so sorry for getting involved with this bastard Justin.